If this were a marathon, I would be at 13.1 miles right now. The early part of the race when you are just warming up, dodging other runners and finding your pace is over. I feel great at the halfway point of a marathon. The only thing that bothers me is knowing that I still have 13 miles to keep running. But then the voice of reason comes in and tells me I am trained and I can do it. The end is usually not pretty but I can do it. I have 7 finisher’s medals to full marathons.
Yesterday David and I went in for our 20 week ultrasound scan. Technically, we were at 21 weeks, but he was out of town the week before and yesterday was a good day for us to plan a date at the midwives’ office. For the first hour, we got to sit in a dark room and examine the baby. Actually the amazing technician examined the baby and we just watched, trying to figure out what body part was what. We turned away when she examined the femur because we might see the genitals.
The final 15 minutes of the exam were frustrating because the baby has its face buried in the placenta and we needed to see its nose and lips. Well, it was snuggled in there and would not get out. The technician had me walk down the hall to the bathroom to empty my bladder, then she had me doing yoga stretches and poses to get the kid to move. Finally, she basically tilted my chair way back so she could get a different angle and hope the baby would move its head. Success!
Just 5 minutes after we were done with the technician, my midwife came in the room and discussed the results. All looks good! I have to say I was so excited at the reaction of the nurses, technician and midwife as we told them we were not finding out the sex. They were all so happy to hear our decision and said that we were definitely in the minority.
After verifying that everything was going well, we were basically done but had time for questions. One thing David and I have been contemplating is whether or not to get a doula for the birth. A doula is basically a birth partner or coach. I thought I wanted one, but David thought that would be “too many cooks in the kitchen,” so to speak. Our midwife’s response actually surprised me and made me consider not getting one. She asked a good question about how I deal with pain. Do I look for help and guidance from the outside? Or do I dig internally for strength?
Well, the metaphor of a marathon definitely sank in then. In just about every race where I have felt terrible, I was the one who was able to talk myself into putting one foot in front of the other. The cheers on the sideline were simply noise I have tried to tune out to listen to my inner self. (I do like conversations for distraction, but I don’t necessarily need them). The midwife then asked David if he felt he could handle me the whole time (ha!) or if he felt he might need help. He has been there at the side of many marathons cheering me along and listening to my doubts; he knows me more than anyone else would be able to recognize what I need. In other words, he can handle me Image may be NSFW.
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So at this point, we are moving forward without a doula. I am taking plenty of yoga classes to get in touch with my body more and learn how to breath through pain. Revisiting my introduction, maybe I am about 10 miles into my marathon and I have 10 more to go before I reach the final 6.2, which will be labor and delivery itself. But I am still in denial about that final 10K…just keeping my eyes on the prize.
Do you tend to reach for strength from within or do you rely on a cheering section to pull you through?
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